You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
