someone owes me an orgasm
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
