'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
