She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
