We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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