I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
