Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Still dying that you shit outside
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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