So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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