Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
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