Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
