you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
