I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
