My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
