I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
