3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
