By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
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