at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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