why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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