Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
