Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
