I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
