GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Randomize
