Tell her she can't have a vagina
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
