i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
