I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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