I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
