We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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