I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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