My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
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