Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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