Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
