you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
