And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I need to sanitize my soul.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
