I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
