I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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