you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
did you just send me my own nude
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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