you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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