so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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