Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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