I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
