craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
