If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
