I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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