what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
