yo everyone went to the hospital last night
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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