We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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