If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
