She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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