the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
