STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I just gargled with NyQuil
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
