I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
The power of my boobs compel you
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
