Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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